I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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