we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
