I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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