The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
