I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
