Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
