Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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