So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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