I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
