im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
