the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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