i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Found the puke drawer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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