did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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