Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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