apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
