You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
