Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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