Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
