Im at strip club and am horny
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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