I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
