I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I will pee on everything he values.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize