Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
