my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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