five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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