I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
