I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
