who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
