hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
