When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
