Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm passing your future prison.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
