Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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