Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
