I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
