I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
