Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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