You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
