Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
