i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
