i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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