I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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