I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just forgot I was standing up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
