Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
