I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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