i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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