RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
