Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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