I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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