Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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