i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
