After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ttyl tear gas
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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