i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize