i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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