is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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