anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
