my soul wont recognize me after tonight
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
