her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I need to stop coming to work sober
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize