I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
