end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
