We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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