Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize