btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
