She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
