I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
