U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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