I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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