By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
