I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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