yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
