does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
