CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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