i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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