u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
